Crossword haiku/senryu contest

How'd you like to win a pair of handcrafted wooden earrings featuring a 9x9 crossword grid?

Crossword constructor and woodworker Russell Brown, who comments here often, sent me this lovely crossword brooch:

As the description at Russell's site says, "The pin is about 1 3/8" square by just over 1/8" thick. It depicts, or at least suggests, a 9x9 crossword grid, using maple for the spaces, wenge (an African wood) for the black squares, and bubinga (another African wood) for a border. There are 16 pieces of maple (one for every across entry, if you will), 11 pieces of wenge, and 4 pieces of bubinga, for a total of 31 pieces of wood."

The same grid is also available in dangly earrings, which Russell also sent me. Alas, I don't wear earrings any more. So I'd like to give those lovely earrings away as a prize in a haiku contest. (You can, of course, also purchase the earrings or pin directly from Russell.)

Your challenge: To pack as much crosswordese into the senryu format as you can. Senryu are much like haiku, but they can be a little shorter, the syllable count per line can vary, and the poem had better be funny. You can certainly adhere to the 5-7-5 haiku format if you wish, but we're looking for entertainment more than evocative beauty. The judge's decision will be final and likely capricious.